Personal Essay
As Long As You Both Shall Live
We all believe the plan we make for
our lives is the best plan. No one
thinks when they move to Provo, Utah, for college, they will end up marrying
their non-member, high school sweetheart.
But that’s my story. It isn’t your
average fairytale. There is no princess
and no fairy god-mother. There is only a
girl, a boy, and a sacrament talk. A love
story for the ages. My story became our
story. It begins simply enough, with a
cheerleader, and basketball player, set in an average high school, in an
average mid-western town.
That cheerleader had no idea the
course of her life would change on that cold, March day in 1994. A boy approached her in the hall between
classes and told her “one of his friends thought she was cute” and wanted to
know if he could call her sometime. That
boy’s name was Ben, and the girl’s name, Tessie. He was tall, handsome and confident. She was funny, insecure, and all too aware
that her southern drawl was very out of place in western Iowa. The boy and girl began courting and after a
few weeks became “exclusive”. She was
the ripe old age of 15, and he was well aware that she couldn’t date yet. He would drive her home from cheerleading
practice, and they would do homework together.
They would bake cookies and go to her church dances. They would talk for hours on the phone. Puppy
love, if you will. After Ben left one of
their non-dates, Tessie’s mom told her she was going to marry that boy. But at 15, Tessie wasn’t ready to settle down
quite yet. Her oats hadn’t been sewn. She craved adventure and drama. She broke that handsome boy’s heart, without
a second thought.
But as most high school couples do,
the break up wasn’t permanent. They
would get back together and break up a few more times over the course of a
year. Then Ben graduated, and that was
that. Tessie moved on and was busy doing
all the things girls do during their senior year of high school, getting into
all kinds of trouble and making all kinds of bad choices. Ben found out about these bad choices, and
out of genuine concern for her well-being, told her parents what he knew. Tessie was furious and swore she would never
forgive him. Her self-righteous
indignation would never allow her to be friends with him again.
Years went by, and Tessie continued
down the wrong road. And then one day, she
just, stopped. She felt embarrassed at who
she had become. She didn’t like the
person she saw in the mirror. She knew
she was on the precipice of destruction and with a broken heart she looked to
the only place she had ever found happiness, the Gospel of Jesus Christ. She found peace and joy beyond anything she
had felt in years. She made a drastic decision; she withdrew from college, moved
home, got two jobs, and saved every penny in order to move to Utah and start
over. With God’s help, she was able to
walk away from the people, places, and habits that nearly destroyed her.
Life in Utah was everything she
hoped it to be and more. She loved her
new college, she made great friends, she dated, and she made peace with the
ghosts of her past. After a year in this
new life, a talk in sacrament meeting stopped her in her tracks. The talk was on repentance. One thing stood out to her; she needed to
seek forgiveness from those she had hurt while making her bad choices. Ben, she needed to apologize to Ben. The high school sweetheart who cared so deeply
he risked it all to protect her from herself.
She needed to find Ben. But
how? She knew he had gone to a state
college in Iowa. She found him easily
enough and got his email address. In an
email, she apologized for her immature behavior and sought his
forgiveness.
He gave her that forgiveness easily. They emailed back and forth, and racked up
huge long distance bills. They
reconnected over Christmas and fell in love.
She knew he was planning to propose, but it was not in her plans to
marry outside of the temple. She prayed
and prayed and when God told her, “Yes, marry him!” she was furious. This was not the answer she was
expecting. Was God telling her not to
marry in the temple? No one moves to
Provo, Utah, dates legions of returned missionaries, only to marry a non-member
and move back to Iowa. Surely God was
mistaken. Perhaps, she had
misunderstood. She prayed and again the
answer was yes. Could this really be
God’s plan for her?
Yes, it was God’s plan for her. The goal of her new life was to marry in the
temple, for time and all eternity and as she learned, it was God’s plan for her
all along. Lucky for her the path to
eternal life does not only go through BYU, and not all happy endings begin in the
temple. Her path became clear. Marry Ben, live the gospel, have a family and
let him find the truth on his own. She was promised in her patriarchal blessing
she would be “sealed in the temple to a man who would give her the honor,
respect and love she desired.” God
always delivers on His promises. It certainly wasn’t the path she thought she’d
take, but it was the right path for her.
Five years ago this week, Ben and Tessie knelt across the alter of the
Las Vegas Temple, where they traded in “as long as you both shall live” for
“time and all eternity”.
