Sunday, October 30, 2011
Pumpkin Patch
This may be the most patient and well behaved picture of Hunter ever! We were sitting on the hay ride and he was right behind the tractor and he was in heaven. It was the highlight of his short life.
We had a great time. There were lots of fun things to do and the kids were great.
We had a great time. There were lots of fun things to do and the kids were great.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
6 months old
Who???? ME????
Yep, you.
15 pounds, 9 ounces and 27 inches long.
You continue to be a source of limitless joy to your family. You especially love Austin and Hunter cause they let you pull their hair.
Yep, you.
15 pounds, 9 ounces and 27 inches long.
You continue to be a source of limitless joy to your family. You especially love Austin and Hunter cause they let you pull their hair.
an honest look back
I have been reflecting alot on the past year of my life. Having come out of my depression finally, looking back makes me so proud of myself. (This post is going to be very honest, hope you can deal.)
Finding out we were expecting Ellorie was really the catalyst of my depression. NOT because I didn't want another baby because we DID want 4 kids, but because of the timing. I knew Ben was unhappy with his job in Evansville and I knew we would be moving. That alone was difficult to accept as I had allowed myself to let Evansville feel like home, to put down roots for the first time in years and then having that comfort taken from me left me feeling a little disillusioned with the future. But alas, we were expecting and life goes on.
Then November 1 rolled along and Ben said he was offered a chance to go to Muskogee, OK to help a plant there finish up their year. That meant he would be leaving mid November and be there til Christmas. I was devastated. Now I was pregnant, with a barely 1 year old and 2 other kids and my husband and help mate was leaving me to do it all alone. I have always tried to be understanding of Ben's career aspirations and knew what this opportunity meant to him, so of course I said, GO. And he did.
He was only gone for a little over a week and then came back for Thanksgiving. My sister and her family, my mom and both brothers came for Thanksgiving. I was struggling to keep my head above water at this time. I was tired, lonely, and overwhelmed at the prospect of having to be alone for the next month. But I put on a happy face and welcomed the people who I knew loved me no matter what, FAMILY.
We had gotten tickets to the circus for everyone while they were in Indiana. I got some and then Ben got the others. I didn't put them in the same place however and when it came time to get ready and go, I couldn't find half of them. I didn't want Ben to know I couldn't find the others cause I remember feeling his stress over having a house full of people, 8 kids and NOT being in control of the remote and I kind of knew he would over react a little.
Well he found out I couldn't find the tickets and out of frustration he said something to the effect of "Why wouldn't you just put them all in the same place?" A simple question voiced not out of anger. That simple, honest statement sent me into a tailspin. Not because I couldn't find the tickets, but because I was embarrassed at being careless, I was tired, pregnant, stressed and having to fake a smile was just too much. ( Micah eventually found them under a magnet on the white board, a place I remember putting them after the fact.)
But it didn't matter. The worst had already happened. I had a brief thought that I was going to kill myself. I know what you're thinking, over circus tickets??? But in my depression, it was the culmination of me not being good enough and thinking my family would be better off if I just left. Everyone went to the circus except me, Mom and Hunter. Hunter went to bed and I stood in the shower rationalizing that suicide was an okay option. After all, Jesus didn't HAVE to die on the cross, he GAVE up the ghost. Wasn't that the same? (Again, I don't really think that way, but the depression had changed my brain and me into someone else completely.) I couldn't stop crying. Not because of the circus tickets, not because I was embarrassed, but because I knew what had just happened. I knew my depression wasn't normal depression anymore. It was full blown, out of control, and I needed to acknowledge it, and get help.
The next day I apologized to everyone for my behavior. I tried to pretend that I was fine, but everyone knew I wasn't. They didn't however, know the depth and breadth of it. They left, Ben left and I was left to face my demons alone, or so I thought.
I opened up to a friend of mine and it was the BEST thing I could have done. I trusted her to not judge me and she didn't. I then talked to a couple other friends who had battled depression in their lives and I found strength. I went to my doctor, I told him the truth and he found the right meds for me.
I survived December with the help and support of the amazing friends I had made in Indiana. The incredibly selfless women, who were all going through struggles of their own, but who together bouied me up and kept me afloat. Without them, I'm sure this story would have had a much different ending.
I loaded my three kids up in the car, loaded all our presents and drove to Oklahoma to meet Ben and check out what we both knew would be our next home. Luckily I knew right away Muskogee wasn't for me. I was afraid to tell Ben I hated it, but then he suggested we look a little north in Broken Arrow and southern Tulsa. As soon as I saw the Bass Pro Shop, I knew we would be fine. I'm not sure why that was such a sign of hope for me, but it was. I guess if it was a big enough town for a Bass Pro, it was an okay place for me.
We went back to Indiana the first of the year and within 10 days Ben had applied and accepted the position in Muskogee and he would be leaving me again at the end of the month. Alone again. Except now I had the stress of selling a house while being 6 months pregnant. We were blessed to have sold the house in 17 days. It was nothing short of a miracle considering it was January and no one buys houses in January.
The Lord was definitely holding me in the palms of his hands during the past year. I have felt his love, direction and faith in me many times. I know He knows of my struggles, He has suffered for my pain and He has made known the way to find forgiveness and hope. Without that knowledge, without my faith in my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, I would never have come out of this alive.
We put offers in on two other houses before this one, and this one is without a doubt, where the Lord wanted our family to live. That was evident within days. I have the greatest neighbors. He provided me yet again with people who saw in me something the depression had blinded me to.
The Nothing, as I like to call it had stripped me of everything I ever valued and loved. But the Lord gave it all back to me. Over Labor Day, I decided I was done nursing and Ellorie was all too happy to oblige. We pumped for a while and then it was over. The transition was effortless and that helped to confirm to me that I was being led back to the road of happiness. That decision was the catalyst of my recovery. It was like a light switch I guess. It was so sudden. Like drowning for so long and fighting to live and then finding yourself laying on the sand of a beach and being able to relax and stop fighting and take deep breaths and realize you're going to live. I know it sounds dramatic, and it was.
I feel better than I have in years. I have found all the things the Nothing had robbed me of. I'm a better mom than I ever thought I could be, I'm a better wife, I'm a better friend and I'm a better person. I will be okay. No, better than ok.
My name is Tessie Conkey and I have overcome depression. I survived an illness that has claimed the lives of thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands. I have a unique perception because most people don't sink as deep as I did and live to tell about it. I owe all the credit to my beliefs because when I couldn't rely on myself to hold it together, I could lean on my understanding and faith in God to get me through.
Some people battle cancer, some people battle addiction, some people battle financial distress, I battle depression. Battled. I won.
Finding out we were expecting Ellorie was really the catalyst of my depression. NOT because I didn't want another baby because we DID want 4 kids, but because of the timing. I knew Ben was unhappy with his job in Evansville and I knew we would be moving. That alone was difficult to accept as I had allowed myself to let Evansville feel like home, to put down roots for the first time in years and then having that comfort taken from me left me feeling a little disillusioned with the future. But alas, we were expecting and life goes on.
Then November 1 rolled along and Ben said he was offered a chance to go to Muskogee, OK to help a plant there finish up their year. That meant he would be leaving mid November and be there til Christmas. I was devastated. Now I was pregnant, with a barely 1 year old and 2 other kids and my husband and help mate was leaving me to do it all alone. I have always tried to be understanding of Ben's career aspirations and knew what this opportunity meant to him, so of course I said, GO. And he did.
He was only gone for a little over a week and then came back for Thanksgiving. My sister and her family, my mom and both brothers came for Thanksgiving. I was struggling to keep my head above water at this time. I was tired, lonely, and overwhelmed at the prospect of having to be alone for the next month. But I put on a happy face and welcomed the people who I knew loved me no matter what, FAMILY.
We had gotten tickets to the circus for everyone while they were in Indiana. I got some and then Ben got the others. I didn't put them in the same place however and when it came time to get ready and go, I couldn't find half of them. I didn't want Ben to know I couldn't find the others cause I remember feeling his stress over having a house full of people, 8 kids and NOT being in control of the remote and I kind of knew he would over react a little.
Well he found out I couldn't find the tickets and out of frustration he said something to the effect of "Why wouldn't you just put them all in the same place?" A simple question voiced not out of anger. That simple, honest statement sent me into a tailspin. Not because I couldn't find the tickets, but because I was embarrassed at being careless, I was tired, pregnant, stressed and having to fake a smile was just too much. ( Micah eventually found them under a magnet on the white board, a place I remember putting them after the fact.)
But it didn't matter. The worst had already happened. I had a brief thought that I was going to kill myself. I know what you're thinking, over circus tickets??? But in my depression, it was the culmination of me not being good enough and thinking my family would be better off if I just left. Everyone went to the circus except me, Mom and Hunter. Hunter went to bed and I stood in the shower rationalizing that suicide was an okay option. After all, Jesus didn't HAVE to die on the cross, he GAVE up the ghost. Wasn't that the same? (Again, I don't really think that way, but the depression had changed my brain and me into someone else completely.) I couldn't stop crying. Not because of the circus tickets, not because I was embarrassed, but because I knew what had just happened. I knew my depression wasn't normal depression anymore. It was full blown, out of control, and I needed to acknowledge it, and get help.
The next day I apologized to everyone for my behavior. I tried to pretend that I was fine, but everyone knew I wasn't. They didn't however, know the depth and breadth of it. They left, Ben left and I was left to face my demons alone, or so I thought.
I opened up to a friend of mine and it was the BEST thing I could have done. I trusted her to not judge me and she didn't. I then talked to a couple other friends who had battled depression in their lives and I found strength. I went to my doctor, I told him the truth and he found the right meds for me.
I survived December with the help and support of the amazing friends I had made in Indiana. The incredibly selfless women, who were all going through struggles of their own, but who together bouied me up and kept me afloat. Without them, I'm sure this story would have had a much different ending.
I loaded my three kids up in the car, loaded all our presents and drove to Oklahoma to meet Ben and check out what we both knew would be our next home. Luckily I knew right away Muskogee wasn't for me. I was afraid to tell Ben I hated it, but then he suggested we look a little north in Broken Arrow and southern Tulsa. As soon as I saw the Bass Pro Shop, I knew we would be fine. I'm not sure why that was such a sign of hope for me, but it was. I guess if it was a big enough town for a Bass Pro, it was an okay place for me.
We went back to Indiana the first of the year and within 10 days Ben had applied and accepted the position in Muskogee and he would be leaving me again at the end of the month. Alone again. Except now I had the stress of selling a house while being 6 months pregnant. We were blessed to have sold the house in 17 days. It was nothing short of a miracle considering it was January and no one buys houses in January.
The Lord was definitely holding me in the palms of his hands during the past year. I have felt his love, direction and faith in me many times. I know He knows of my struggles, He has suffered for my pain and He has made known the way to find forgiveness and hope. Without that knowledge, without my faith in my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, I would never have come out of this alive.
We put offers in on two other houses before this one, and this one is without a doubt, where the Lord wanted our family to live. That was evident within days. I have the greatest neighbors. He provided me yet again with people who saw in me something the depression had blinded me to.
The Nothing, as I like to call it had stripped me of everything I ever valued and loved. But the Lord gave it all back to me. Over Labor Day, I decided I was done nursing and Ellorie was all too happy to oblige. We pumped for a while and then it was over. The transition was effortless and that helped to confirm to me that I was being led back to the road of happiness. That decision was the catalyst of my recovery. It was like a light switch I guess. It was so sudden. Like drowning for so long and fighting to live and then finding yourself laying on the sand of a beach and being able to relax and stop fighting and take deep breaths and realize you're going to live. I know it sounds dramatic, and it was.
I feel better than I have in years. I have found all the things the Nothing had robbed me of. I'm a better mom than I ever thought I could be, I'm a better wife, I'm a better friend and I'm a better person. I will be okay. No, better than ok.
My name is Tessie Conkey and I have overcome depression. I survived an illness that has claimed the lives of thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands. I have a unique perception because most people don't sink as deep as I did and live to tell about it. I owe all the credit to my beliefs because when I couldn't rely on myself to hold it together, I could lean on my understanding and faith in God to get me through.
Some people battle cancer, some people battle addiction, some people battle financial distress, I battle depression. Battled. I won.
Monday, October 24, 2011
bus update
The kids had fall break on Thursday and Friday so I've had a long weekend to think about the situation.
Both of them have asked not to get pulled off the bus. They like riding it and they feel like it would be a punishment for them when they didn't do anything wrong. I agreed. So I sent them on it this morning.
The transportation discipline guy called first thing and said he would follow protocol and get back to me with a report and what I can expect. I guess all I can do is pray to continue to know what to do. I'm sure this isn't going to be the end of it, unfortunately, but hopefully I will continue to know what is best for them and know how to protect them.
Both of them have asked not to get pulled off the bus. They like riding it and they feel like it would be a punishment for them when they didn't do anything wrong. I agreed. So I sent them on it this morning.
The transportation discipline guy called first thing and said he would follow protocol and get back to me with a report and what I can expect. I guess all I can do is pray to continue to know what to do. I'm sure this isn't going to be the end of it, unfortunately, but hopefully I will continue to know what is best for them and know how to protect them.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
and so it begins...the REALLY hard stuff
Austin came home from school today upset and crying cause some kids on the bus were calling him names and took his gloves and were throwing them around and wouldn't give them back.
This seems like normal kid crap, but I know today its called bullying and it starts with little crap and them builds.
I think I have to pull them from the bus. Eliminate the issue. But what does that teach him? Do I leave him on it and call the school? Do I do both? What is a parent to do in this situation?
This seems like normal kid crap, but I know today its called bullying and it starts with little crap and them builds.
I think I have to pull them from the bus. Eliminate the issue. But what does that teach him? Do I leave him on it and call the school? Do I do both? What is a parent to do in this situation?
my two helpers
While mom was trying to get dishes done and the kitchen cleaned up, you stood in your bouncer saucer thingy and played.
Meanwhile, Hurricane here, was being all too helpful, aka, not helpful at all.
got a lil something on your face
...its food. Cause you're 6 months old now and get to eat! And you love it!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Bedroom makeover
Of course I forgot to take before pics, but these pics are courtesy of the birthday girl. She took them herself.
Ben made the shelving unit over the desk. He did an amazing job and Savannah said they were her favorite part. She was so surprized and she LOVED it! Thanks Nana for all your help.
Rollerblades
Savannah got rollerblades for her birthday and she HAD to try them out. Like everything she does, she's determined to master it.
Thank you Grandma!
Savannah loves being a mommy and feeding and changing her own baby. She loves it!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Himliched Hunter
Hunter was sitting at the table coloring with our neighbors, AJ and Brookie.
I was cleaning up the living room and AJ said something so I walked over the table and noticed that Hunter had the look of fear on his face. He was coloring and decided to bite off part of the crayon and it got lodged in his throat and was choking.
I wacked him on the back one good time and out it came. Thank you AJ, I owe you a cookie.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Pork schnitzel with apple onion chutney
...and the famiy loved it!
Of course the kids didn't eat it as sandwiches, but they did eat it and said it was good. Ben even agreed it was TASTY!!!
I am always leary of trying new recipes because they never turn out as yummy as I thought. This is one I have been looking at for weeks. I saw it on the Rachael Ray show and it looked so good, I figured I would give it a try. YUMM-OOO!
Click on the title of this post for the recipe
Of course the kids didn't eat it as sandwiches, but they did eat it and said it was good. Ben even agreed it was TASTY!!!
I am always leary of trying new recipes because they never turn out as yummy as I thought. This is one I have been looking at for weeks. I saw it on the Rachael Ray show and it looked so good, I figured I would give it a try. YUMM-OOO!
Click on the title of this post for the recipe
Race for the cure 2011
Savannah and I did the race for the cure this year. I felt it was important to tell her about her Grandma Caroline's mom who died of breast cancer when Grandma was only 5. Savannah walked with a paper on her back that said in honor of her Great Grandma Barnick. She made it the whole 3.2 miles with no complaining and then we even sprinted to the end. It was fun to spend some time with just her and talk and walk. She's a great girl, I'm pretty fond of her.
Elephant stew
We all have those tried and true cookbooks that people have given us. Well, today I was looking through one and I came across this recipe and laughed so hard water shot out of my nose. I wasn't expecting it and boy did it catch me by surprize.
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