2 weeks of bliss

Here are some pics of Ellorie. She is filling out nicely and is a very calming influence over me. She reminds me daily to slow down, take deep breaths, and treasure the moment. Most of those moments are spent protecting her from Hurricane Hunter, but it won't be like that forever. I forget that he is still so little himself and that there is a far greater learning curve for him then there was for Austin or Savannah.

All in all, we are adjusting well. I am not bouncing back as quickly as I would like, but everyday I feel better and better. My house is a mess, the laundry needs done, the dishwasher needs unloading, but that can wait. I have babies to relish with attention.

It's all me

I have been very fortunate to have had both my moms, plus my FIL and even my Grandpa come and stay and help while we adjust to our new arrival. I can't say thank you enough. They helped get the kids off to school, they packed lunches, they helped with homework, they made dinner and snacks, they did dishes, they let me sleep, they changed diapers, they did it all out of the goodness of their hearts. They did it all because they each had 4 kids themselves and understand what it takes to recoup and get your footings before you jump back into real life and all its demands.

Thank you moms, dads,and grandpas. It really does take a village.

But now I'm on my own and I think we will be fine. I'll keep you posted! :)

Pics!!!!

Here they are, they aren't great, but with 4 kids, who really has time to sit and take pics all day. Hopefully I will get better and her life will be as well documented as the others, but who am I kidding?

She's here, she's happy and we are lucky to have her.

pics are forthcoming...I promise

I will update with lots of pics, I just have to find time to sit at the computer and move them all.

Nursing sucks...hate it. Might quit.

Ellorie sleeps like a champ, I feel good.

Kids are doing great. Hunter is adjusting slowly, but surely.

Thanks Grandpa and Grandma for coming and helping.

Dear Ellorie,

It hit me this morning, like a pillowcase full of marshmallows, soft yet strong enough to be felt all the way through my body, exquisite joy.

I had been holding back joy in case something went wrong with this pregnancy. I guess I am still a little reserved after losing our third baby. I didn't want to get attached. I didn't want to feel that pain again. I didn't want to fall in love with another little girl I wouldn't get to meet. But I am pretty sure nothing will happen in the next 12 hours before I check in to the hospital. I'm letting myself feel the joy that I haven't let myself feel until this morning.

We have a woman down the street from us who was due the day after me. She found out at 20 weeks that her baby had serious genetic malformations of every organ and brain and would not survive delivery. She choose to have the baby aborted. She is so overcome with grief and sadness and pain that it affects her every waking moment. Her pain is almost tangible. Its written all over her face. She can barely live with herself. She has a healthy 2 year old, but she can barely enjoy him due to her own pain. Its devastating to see, heartbreaking to watch and soul wrenching to comprehend. I think the judgement she has placed on herself bleeds through into everyone she meets and she is so burdened with her decision that it now defines her.

Seeing her pain, makes me almost grateful that my baby simply passed away, back to her Heavenly Father. I wasn't forced to make any life-altering decisions, wasn't put in a place where I had to decide my babies fate. I have a whole new respect for those women whom I have met that have faced with loss of a child. The strength and comfort in knowing they followed the Lord's plan and the peace that comes even through the heartbreak.

I will get to meet her and love her and watch my other kids fall in love all over again. That is the magic of having big families. It isn't about the love we have as parents for our children, its watching them learn to love someone new, its watching them expand their hearts and care for someone else. Watching how protective and soft and angelic they are with the new baby. Watching the baby celebrate first smiles, and rolling over as if it was their own accomplishment. That is the magic of families.

As I prepare to meet my Ellorie, I am reminded of a quote my friend Leah sent me. I read it almost daily and find comfort in it. It is "Faith in God includes faith in His timing." Its by Neal A. Maxwell. It reminds me that my plan for my life isn't always the best plan. While I wouldn't have choose to have kids 22 months apart, I am sure I will learn patience and loads of other things through this and come out a stronger, better mother.

So, welcome Ellorie. I love you and can't wait to have you join our AMAZING Journey.

tornado damage by Sioux City

http://www.siouxcityjournal.com/news/local/a1/collection_10c18762-aadf-5019-8110-646b4bcae08e.html#0

My brother Micah went down to help clean up the town of Mapleton. IA after the entire town was devastated by a tornado. I think that is him in pic # 94, but I'm not sure.

This is why I love small towns. People just help one another. He didn't know anyone in that town, but he had the equipment and time and just went to serve.

The link will show you pics taken during the clean up.

denial- my permanent address

Can't believe its April.

Can't believe this baby gets its eviction orders in 11 days.

Can't believe I will have 4 kids.

Can't believe I will have to lose all this weight again.

Can't believe how excited I am.