Ellorie

I keep comparing her to what Savannah was like at this age.  I am beginning to see just how mature Savannah really is and I guess always has been. 

Ellorie at nearly 3 is like Savannah at 2.  Ellorie has no desire to go potty on the toilet. Savannah was potty trained shortly after she was 2.  I am guessing Ellorie will be a little older than 3.  Savannah was all about playing dress up.  Ell is only just now getting into it.

I wonder if this is how my mom felt when she realized I was perpetually less mature than Mina.  Its not a bad thing, its just a realization I am glad I made now so I can stop comparing them. 

Spring Break

I made arrangements to take the kids to the old Auditorium to go rock climbing.  Austin and Savannah were old pros, but in true Hunter fashion he had to do it on his time, when he decided to do it.  So for the first 45 minutes, he just climbed the rock thingy with no ropes.  Once the kids started "falling" and seeing them slowly come down with the ropes, he was ready.  He did great.  He loved it and had asked about a dozen times to go again.  I think we may need to do this every time we go to Sioux City.  Which is fine, cause there really isn't much more to do there.  Ellorie was too little, but that didn't stop her from having fun.  She ran around with my phone and took pics and told everyone they were doing "such good job".  She danced, and jumped on the mats.  She is probably the best kid I have at entertaining herself. 

 Ben had a business trip to Michigan Mon-Tues so I took the kids up to Sioux City to my mom's.  We hung out, ate way to much and tried to keep the kids busy.  Monday after lunch, we took the kids to the Dorothy Pecaut Nature Center.  (We had our wedding reception there!)  The inside hadn't changed much, but the outside was awesome.  Trails and hiking and playgrounds, and so much exploring.  The kids kept asking what we were doing and I told them we were having an adventure.  They bought it.  I'm guessing we only hiked around 2 miles, but the fresh air was nice and the kids loved being able to run wild. 

The rest of Spring Break was spent at home.  We went bowling, to the movies, out to eat, and played outside, until it got freezing again.  Stupid Midwestern weather. 

a woman with a plan

Ok.  Now that I have admitted I have a problem, its time to make a plan. 

Luckily there are lots of people who struggle like I do, lots much worse.  So I googled Food Addicts Plan, and you know what, there were over 2 million links on the subject.  It made me feel less alone and gave me hope.

I particularily like the foodaddictsanonymous.org plan.  It is simple and it has lots of information as to what a food addiction is and how to get and stay abstinent.

So today is Day 1.  My name is Tessie and I have a food addiction. 

This is me feeling hopeful. 

I'm going to start a new blog where I can just post my thoughts and feelings and successes and failures. 
http://whiningsofafatlady.blogspot.com/

feel free to check it, (probably not daily) regularily as I document my quest for a healthier life. 

I'm whining

I was complaining to a friend of mine about my weight.  I told her I have been doing pretty great this year (2014) in keeping a food journal and after months of counting calories and exercising I have lost- nothing.  I even went so far as to add in Alli in mid February to see if that made a difference.  It sure helped with the constipation I have battled for years, and initially I felt like it was helping, but then I realized that instead of losing weight, it was just keeping me regular and no longer bloated.  That was the final straw. 

It is so far beyond my ability to comprehend what the HELL is going on inside this body!  I'm frustrated, and angry and I have no outlet for it. 

Add to that my mom is getting weight loss surgery at the end of summer and by this time next year, she will weight less than all her kids and then I will hate her.

My friend asked me if there is anything else in my life that I like as much as food and I was heartbroken to realize the answer is no.  There is nothing else in my life that makes me feel as good as food does.  I'm so ashamed. 

took the words out of my mouth

http://themotherloadhome.blogspot.com/2014/03/the-mother-unload-but-i-want-to-enjoy.html

I couldn't have said it better myself. 

changing seasons

I think the season's are changing in my life.  The years of being in charge and having the final say are fading and I am struggling to let it go. 

I have been the center of my families world for so long.  Not that I relish it, but it's a role I have taken on and tried my best to be worthy of.  But they (Austin and Savannah)  are getting older and I can see them trying to spread their wings a little and test the waters.  I can see them trying to figure things out on their own and I have also seen them fail and realize that they need our help for a little bit longer.  I hate that they have to fail, but I am glad that they recognize the need for parents.  Its hard to transition out of the role of mother to small children.  I now understand why some women just keep having babies, or adopting babies.  They are afraid to make that transition.  They are afraid of closing that book and starting a the next.  Its comfortable, its where they feel needed and secure.  But you can't just keep having babies, because eventually they will grow and need you, and if you spread yourself so thin with so many kids, how can you help them to blossom?

Having older kids means that my younger kids are exposed to all those things I sheltered my older kids from when they were little.  I have to tell my big kids that  when they were little, I would never have let some 12 year old say that to them, so they don't get to say those things in front of or to my younger ones. 

I think I'm ready to close that book and start the next, but here's my fears.  (And they have very little to do with the kids, surprisingly.)   Ben and I have so little in common (extracurriculars, hobbies, things we enjoy) that what happens if he decided he doesn't like who I have become?  What if the distance in our lives is too great?  What if I can't be the girl he wants me to be?  What if he isn't who I think he should be?  It is scary.  I am becoming more and more aware of how very different our priorities are, what we value and what we find deserving of our time and energy that I'm afraid we will become my parents, roommates who just tolerate each other, and then what?  It's too scary to even think about. 

Seasons. Changing seasons.  I have to remember that each season, though different, still has its beauty and I am going to have to find the beauty in this next season.  Because like it or not, the winds of change are blowing and I can dig in my heels, but it isn't going to stop.  Bloom where you're planted.  I can do that. 

Mrs. Know it all

Savannah has been complaining about headaches lately after school.  So we have been talking about how headaches are a symptom of something else being wrong.  Like mine are a symptom of my bad posture. 

She has been eating less and less at breakfast and then wanting to bring lots crap for lunch.  Today, I had had it.  I told her, "You are NOT smarter than millions of people who have been studying how the human body works for thousands of years.  You do NOT know more than people who have gone to years and years of advanced education focusing on the importance of nutrition.  Don't complain to me about not feeling well if you aren't willing to do the things those SMART people are teaching us to do."   She drinks maybe 1 cup of water a day, skips breakfast, eats crap for lunch and then wonders why she doesn't feel good.  DUH!!!  I doesn't take a genius to figure out why. 

Not sure if this was a parenting fail or not, but her know it all attitude is getting on my nerves and she is only 9.  Heaven help us. 

This is why I don't dust

                                                 I love this.  I may have to frame it. 

Aprons!!!!

I made toast for Hunter at noon.  Then I had a friend stop over to drop off and then pick up her little boy to play with Hunter, did school work, went and picked up Savannah after school, got dinner in the oven, and while I was doing dishes I realized I have jam all over my shirt.  This.  This is why I wear aprons.  I have had my Barbie shirt since Hunter was 1.  I got it at the Indianapolis Children's Museum.  I love this shirt.  This jam better come out.  I'm going to be devastated if it doesn't. 

too quiet??

4 PACKS OF OATMEAL.

 Yep, I could have killed them.  But then again,

I should have known they were into something, it was

just to quiet.  

birthday prep

For Ell's birthday we are going to have a little baking activity for her and her 3 best gals.  I had my mom help make some aprons for each girl.  They are totes adorbs and I love them.  Plus, I love to see my kids get excited for things like sewing. 

our pursuits of life

"We want our children and their children to know that the choice of life is not between fame and obscurity, nor is the choice of life between wealth and poverty.  The choice is between good and evil, and that is a very different matter indeed. "

"Wealth and prominence do not always come from having earned them. Our worth is not measured by renown or what we own.."

"Our lives are made up of thousands of everyday choices.  Over the years these little choices will be bundled together and show clearly what we value."

Boyd K. Packer, 1980

double ear infections

We never had to deal with ear infections.  Savannah and Austin may have gotten 1 each in their lives as babies when they were teething, but I'm not sure. 

Last night, Savannah came in crying at midnight saying her ear was aching.  Gave her Tylenol, sent her back to bed.  She must have come in no less than 5 more times before 7am, crying.  Took her in today, DOUBLE EAR INFECTION.  

I let her stay home cause I'm awesome and she's been crying all morning.  Her eyes were all swollen from crying all night.  Poor girl. 

How thankful am I to NOT have had to deal with that when they were little!!!